Friday, April 6, 2012

Privacy in Relationships

Couple of days ago, Nic's status on FB sparked something in me because it came off somewhat familiar, in a not so good manner. 

So, her status, in summary goes like this. During the early stage of a relationship, this guy agreed to an 'open book' relationship and willingly exchanged FB / email / Twitter / etc etc passwords, and even told his other half that she can check on him anytime as he had nothing to hide. However, after a few months into the relationship, he demanded to know why the girl checked on him, said he needed his privacy and that if she didn't trust him, what's the point of being in a relationship.

OMG wtf? Make up your mind, dude. If you really treasure your privacy, do not offer in the first place because if you did, and want to retract it later, it puts you in a really, really bad position. Any normal girl would assumed you have something to hide, regardless how adamant you are in denying it. I definitely would, and I will dump his sorry ass because right now, I totally cannot tolerate cheaters. 

Quite a number of her friends (who are also my friends) responded to her status, saying how privacy is important to them and whatnot. It's totally fine that way, because I like to have my own privacy too but I don't go and initiate to have an 'open book relationship' only to request to have it 'closed' a couple of months later wtf. If you don't like to be exposed, then don't do that just to gain her trust because that tactic will backfire and burn you back.

The reason I said this came across familiar is that I once dated a guy who really, really treasured his privacy, to the extend that he gave all disclaimer even without me asking. Couple of months later, he forgot to log off from his FB on my BB and I saw sweet chat messages on his FB inbox, with a girl he met a day after we coupled up. 

Looking back, no wonder he was so dead adamant about not sharing passwords .. so that he has all the freedom to do all these nonsense? I don't know. But yea, well naturally, he's now an ex. 

If you (that ex) were to read this, no hard feelings ya. Just sharing. Peace.


Adam said...

lol wth... if someone gives me their facebook password, not only will I log in as them I'll also start posting rogue statuses to confuse people haha =p

I feel that this password-exchange thing is a overcompensation reaction to some insecurities deep down somewhere - I don't think it's necessary for couples share passwords, can't see the benefit.

Personally, the only thing worse than couples exchanging passwords is couples actually merging their FB into one account =="

ccc said...

reminds me of something...
anyway... history...

Jason Rumpun said...

I love talking to couples about this topic! lol... personally I've nvr liked sharing passwords and never have, and I don't care what my other half thinks about it. I don't ask her for hers, and I expect the same. Just because you're my other half, it doesn't give you the right to have access to my life.

I had one ex that kept asking me for it, and I never gave it to her. But I do log on my FB and let her go through it. Of cos she thought I may have cleaned it up for her to see, but giving her that access while I'm there is good enough for me. Trust is an important thing in a relationship, and if I can give you that without getting getting it back in return, then there is no relationship to speak of

Vin Lim said...

While i never like the fact that "Any normal girl would assumed you have something to hide", but yea, that true.

Trust in relationship is important but trust in earn through day to day life. Not through breaching privacy and checking.

I never share and never will share my password but it doesn't mean that i needed it to sweet chat with girls and shit like that. It's a way of life. Love your parents do you? But you like them checking on your letters and emails?

While it is true many guys 'leverage' on privacy to cheat, it doesn't apply to every guy. If someone wanted to cheat on you, there are million and one ways.

eRiCa said...

as for me, i don't really mind if my other half has access to my stuff, as long as he doesn't get paranoid / psycho over the smallest thing. i learn to trust him over time so i'm totally okay with it (he's currently using my fb account to help his team in this FB game called Dragons of Atlantis lol).

Different people have different preferences i guess, but i totally agree to the fact that if someone wants to cheat, he / she WILL cheat regardless of how hawk-eyed the partner is.

btw adam, that's meann! lol!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes sharing is not good :)